These last few weeks have been draining. I've been swamped with work pulling in 10-12 hour days working two different jobs, and, I feel emotionally exhausted. For those who don't know, I work as an after school site director for a junior high. There are good times and there are bad times, and last week was very emotional. In one day I had parents come to me with the hardships they've been going through that are really heavy issues; that same day, I had a girl confide in me that she's been cutting herself because she feels lonely and depressed. I am not a professionally trained counselor and with the load of the information I just didn't know what to do. I came home that night feeling so out of it. On top of that I had deadlines to hit from my other job that all just felt very overwhelming, and I broke down crying. These last two weeks have been a lot to handle, where I'm in this motion of not feeling good enough. Not feeling good enough that I have two jobs and I have to continue working in a job I am not passionate about. Not good enough because I am 30, Chris and I are desperately trying to save for a house, but then we look at the market and realize the type of house we want is most definitely not in our budget, or any house for that matter. Not feeling good enough because I am so desperately trying to transition to full time into this new position, but not sure if it will happen. The last few weeks have been weird, and so, I am trying to find gratitude in the day-to-day. It's easy to slip past the things you have, or the things in your life that should be making you happy. I've been wallowing in what's not making me happy, and so here, I decide to write about what is good:
- Chris and I live in an amazing one bedroom apartment that was built in 1929. The interior and exterior are both beautiful. We live in a cool downtown area where we can walk to shops, grab dinner or a drink and ride our bikes around town. Though it's not a house, it's home for now and we're lucky to live here.
- I have two jobs, and the job that is making me happy is very creative. I get to write! Create scene and shot list for video and photo shoots, help produce and direct, food style, and be creative in creating new brand design concepts. It's been so much fun, and rewarding, and a lot of work. It takes up my mornings from when I wake up to when I need to leave for my other job, and I wouldn't want to spend my mornings any other way.
- Although it's heavy stuff, I feel lucky parents and students feel comfortable enough to confide in me. It's not my job to solve their problems, but it is my job to be someone they feel comfortable enough expressing feelings to.
- What I have. It's easy to get caught up in what I don't have and it begins to bring me down. I have health, food, shelter and love, and for that I am lucky.